#2 Letting Go

Disclaimer : This scrabble is very personal.I just think that it will be nice to share.You can call this - reminiscing old memories as a fangirl.

---

She's a girl with old-scars,she's a girl who is growing,she's a girl who's learning and above all she's a girl.As simple as that.

Andi learnt that growing up means that you need to sacrifice a lots of things and growing up to means that you need to let go of precious memories.In her case,she does not have much memories except for her share of musics.

Andi was 8 when she first knew kpop.It was 2005 and there weren't many kpoppers as it is in 2015,give and take,it's been 10 years.She knew a lot.She can recite all of the histories and facts straight from her heart.She is like a walking kpop dictionary and encyclopedias,plus she has a very good memory.

Andi places her head onto the pillow,she shuts her eyes and bites her lips.

"This is how it suppose to be.People grow up,people change and some things is never the same..I change too,for good."

Andi still can remember the hours she spent in front of the PCs,reading allkpop,soompi as they are the Al-Quran.She was so obsessed that every inch of her room was filled with her favorite group posters - which apparently all the groups she listened to,minus the girl groups.She hated the girl groups - acting all giddy,cute and haha..it is just pure jealousy that they look very good.

In the old times,Andi spent most of her time scurrying in her rooms.Apart from kpop,she also listened to mainland Chinese,Taiwanese,Japanese and HK singers.Ohh she is still in love with Mandarin - she thinks that Mandarin is heck sexier than French-English-slang.

Andi can recall too how hard she cried when Dong Bang Shin Ki splitted and Double S disbanded.She bawled her eyes out and did not eat for 2 days. (heckk Andy really loves foods.foods is life).Now she is sure that the girls cried too when Luhan and Kris went solo.Just like her..and the old memories of her and DBSK and SS501 floods to her mind.

The bitchy Park Jung Min and beautiful Kim Jaejoong were definitely her favorites.She read everything about them,memorized every single song they sang and watched every single video they were in.She remembered squealing when Kim Jaejoong appeared almost shirtless in Mirotic - oh so sexy (later Jaejoong had forgotten to wear shirts in their concerts and so does other idols - they go shirtless with their chocolate abs and fangirls go gaga over it -___-)  and Park Jung Min was so hot in Unlock,Deja Vu and Love Ya.Another word today,the girls would say their ovaries exploded when idols make comeback or rookies debute.As for me I would like to declare that my ovaries are still there in its place and haven't exploded even I've experienced a lots of excitements.

Kpop also taught her friendship and brotherhood.The beautiful videos of Super Juniors - 12 of those dorks and SHINee.They seemed so real.She laughed and felt like those dorks were there laughing with her too.

Every variety shows,banjun dramas Andi had watched without fail.Even the ones without english subtitles.She prided herself for understanding Korean,Mandarin and of course Japanese.But now,after she quitted kpop and other forms of entertainment she realised that her abilities had worn out.You rest you rust.

She realised one of the reasons why she did not have any close friends is because she does not know how to keep in touch with them.You know like she can talk to everyone and crack jokes every now and then but when she get home she will shut down the whole world and focused on certain things.She only got one best friend in her entire life,well first they started as trio but ended up as duo.She did not blame Nana though because she also did not do much to persevere the friendship.She just like living alone and doing things on her own.At times, she likes company.But too much company is annoying.

There are a lot of fun things in kpop,really.There are the MVs,the reality shows,the idols own shows,concerts,fanfics,artfics and lyric parodies.They are there to make you not feeling bored and Andi enjoyed all of them until she began to realise to one point - this is not what she wants.

Excessive entertainment is not good for the heart - for the heart is actually quenched for something else.This is what Andi discovered two years ago and she is only managed to stop a year ago.It is really hard because she literally grow up with kpop but with time she heals.

Sometimes,just to check what is going on - Andi logged into her youtube accounts and watch few kpop MVs and glad that she quitted already.The entertainment is getting dirtier - no more innocent songs,innocent dances and innocent idols.They are all tainted,sexy,sensual and capitalised for more money.

There is no such thing as real thing.

The truth hurts,the reality bites.

Andi just glad,really,she's glad.

She have found good companions - although there is no guarantee that this one will last,and she have also found new hobby out of kpop.Although she knows that she remembers,it is not a bother.

We all grow and we all change.Andi might grow out of kpop,you might grow out of heavy metals and others might have left their false beliefs,ideologies,hobies of lifestyle.All to be a better person,a better muslim from yesterday.

---

(^^V ) (>...<) (Y.Y)
can you relate?ahaks.